I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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