I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
