chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
