Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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