Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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