I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
