Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
