Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
