Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
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Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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