This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
