I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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