I just cut my nipple shaving
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
