She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
