I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
