I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
