I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
