I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
