chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
