nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
