Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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