Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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