She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
