Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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