great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
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It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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