He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The struggles of a small town man whore
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
