Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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