it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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