um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
