Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
