Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize