Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
