Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
