im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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