I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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