Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
