I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
