there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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