Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
