You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
