Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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