Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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