And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My cat gives me a boner
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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