I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
