I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
