i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We smell like vodka and hangover
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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