It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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