i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
