Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
