Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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