i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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