the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
