I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
