hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
