Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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