Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
