I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
