Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
