I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
