Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
either way he was missing a nipple.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize