Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
