I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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