Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
