i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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