Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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