I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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