By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
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so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
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She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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