His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
