Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
