this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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