So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
