I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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