Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
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You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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