I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
